For some time now, years even, I’ve been very aware of the negative aspects of social media, through forums, blogs, videos and books. Some examples of the latter are:

  • The Burnout Society, by Byung-Chul Han. It talks about how screens have recently caused a decrease in something we see as bad but which serves us well: Boredom. We try to avoid it, but in reality it’s a motivator of critical thinking and creativity.
  • The Anxious Generation and The Coddling of the American Mind, by Jonathan Haidt. They talk about how social media increases anxiety in young people and prevents them from generating better critical thinking, increasing the risk of comparing themselves with others.
  • Hooked, by Nir Eyal. I already mentioned this one in another post. Nir Eyal poses it more as an advantage for companies because this book is aimed at them, but in his eagerness to sell he reveals that social media are practically disguised casinos that cause the same effects as gambling addiction.

At first, social media allowed you to connect with others, stay in touch with family or friends you no longer saw. Now, lately, every time I logged in it was just to watch “videos of nothing”: jokes, a dog doing something funny, someone complaining, bad news, and among those mini videos that left me with nothing, ads.

Although I had tried to leave for a long time without success, derived from certain things that happened to me last year I decided to try it more actively. These are the four main things I noticed that I didn’t like:

  • I was wasting too much time on them, and worst of all watching insubstantial videos, eating dozens of ads just because.
  • I was drifting from the present: it wouldn’t let me get bored or be in the moment. Although I tried, I was still one of those who arrive somewhere to wait and immediately pull out the phone. What’s more, even when I was washing dishes I was watching something.
  • I was affected by what social media sell: Making it seem like everyone is being successful and you’re not keeping pace. Whatever day you enter Instagram or Facebook there will be someone on vacation, so I thought “Why is everyone traveling except me?” Well, because of all the people you know there will always be someone traveling, it’s not that they’re traveling all their life.
  • Bad news was driving me crazy. I’ve already talked on this blog about how my city is one of the most violent in the world, but seeing news all day about it didn’t help me at all.

So, as I mention above, I decided to do something about it, following these steps:

  1. It’s been several years since I decided not to post, or post as little as possible, things about my life. If you enter my networks you’ll see that the photos I have are minimal and from some time ago. That has helped this “detox” process. Lately I was logging in more to watch silly videos than anything else, but starting there was a good option.

  2. In my case there are 4 social networks I used most (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. Thank God I never fell for TikTok, and Whatsapp is indispensable but we’ll get to that). I decided to first delete the account of the social network that was affecting me most: Twitter. The reason? It was a source of arguments and bad news. My biggest objection was that it served me to sell my courses and as a personal brand, but I think in 10 years since I’ve had the account nobody bought a course from seeing a tweet of mine. People on Twitter don’t enter to debate, they enter to see someone endorse the opinion they already have. I decided to do a test, I disabled my account and told myself “If I don’t need it in 30 days I’ll delete it permanently,” and that’s what I did. I’ve been without Twitter for about 6 months now.

  3. I went for the next one: Instagram. This one was easy because I simply uninstalled it from my phone. Since on the computer it’s not very good, I don’t even feel like logging in. I mainly used Instagram to watch silly videos and share them with friends. I applied the same pattern, I would stop using it for 30 days. I haven’t used it since.

  4. Now it was Facebook’s turn. This one is difficult because I have many things there, even photos I don’t have elsewhere. For now I uninstalled the app, logged out of the account everywhere and put blockers so that if I unconsciously want to enter it blocks the page, thus removing the desire to enter. I’m still thinking about how to delete it because it does weigh on me a bit, but I’ve been not using it or entering at all for about 2 months.

The network I’ve struggled with most is damn Youtube. Although I’ve significantly decreased the amount of videos I watch, I still do it more than I’d like. I do use it a lot to watch things like tutorials, recipes, how to change a tire, how to tie my baby’s seat in the car, etc., but I also use it to watch insubstantial nonsense, news, discussions, curious facts, etc. I’ve improved a lot by deciding which channels I’m going to follow, and TRYING not to watch videos outside of those channels.

Something I’ve done that has worked well for me so far is leaving the phone on do not disturb when I’m with my family, especially with my son, and putting it far away. Sometimes I even forget where it is. I’ve also been carrying a book with me wherever I go. If I feel I should do something better I take out the book. Another thing is deactivating phone notifications, I only have the one for calls. Something that plays a lot against this is “What if they call me for an emergency?” That’s still something I struggle with, but I’ve thought “Really, how many times in life does that happen? And if I’m with my family, who could call me for an emergency?” Also, if it’s really an emergency nobody will send you a message, they’ll call you and I do have those notifications activated.

Social media are so embedded in our lives that taking this decision means losing certain things. For example, I’ve noticed that a lot of restaurant information, like their menus or photos of their dishes are on Instagram, so I can’t see them because it tells me I need to log in. Another thing that has happened to me is that some friends have told me “Hey I sent you this funny video” and well, I can’t see them anymore. There’s also the fact that I’ve lost contact about what certain friends are doing, but let’s be realistic, it wasn’t real contact, it was just “Oh look, so-and-so is in such-and-such country,” “Look, what’s-her-name had such-and-such for Christmas dinner.” Another thing I’ve thought about is the marketplace, but being honest I haven’t sold or bought anything in years. I think the most important thing I’ve lost are those mini tutorials that explain something like “Montessori parenting” or “How to peel garlic easily,” but these are a double-edged sword. Advice: When you have a baby, stop over-informing yourself. By the way, it’s also ironic because I used to share this blog on my networks, so now by not using them it’s possible that nobody reads it, but I don’t really care. In the end the blog is more for myself.

Even with those things, I think what’s gained is greater than the things that are lost, which looking at them after writing them are minimal things.

Now, what I’ve gained. I’ve been much more present, really doing the things I do. By this I mean that if I’m with my son I’m with him 100%, if I cook I focus on it, if I’m watching a movie I’m enjoying it, the same in a gathering with family and friends. I’m not saying I never take out my phone. It still happens that I take it out, look at the screen for fucking nothing and put it back away. It still happens certain nights that I start scrolling on Youtube or that there are days I’m distracted watching videos, but I have felt it’s been much less than before. I’ve also been much less stressed by news over which I have no control. Those who live in my city will wonder “But how do you manage if you’re going out to see that nothing’s happening where you’re going to pass?” (yes, that’s how bad things are). For that I have WhatsApp groups like my neighbor group that I only check when necessary. They’re not bombarding me day and night with bad news. I’ve been much calmer. I’ve focused more on my life and less on others’. If I want to see a friend we meet in person or message directly. I’ve also gained time to do other things or do nothing. I’ve given myself the opportunity to be bored.

I invite you to try it even as an experiment and if so I hope these steps and advice help you.